October 2014

2

I think this year for Halloween I’m going to go out as a blessing in disguise

2

After 1300 years of praying five times a day you would think that Muslims would have eventually realised that the carpets are not going to take off, and fly.

2

The World Health Organization declares Nigeria officially free of Ebola – hailing it a “spectacular success story” and if you Email your bank details now, you can be a part of this success story…

2

People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr Frankenstein.

I’m only trying to make a living.

2

For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep, garden and drive.

I think I’m being stalked.

2

Today, a guy put a gun to my head and demanded a coconut-filled chocolate bar.

I hate Bounty Hunters.

2

Scientists have discovered that the first known animals to reproduce sexually were an early species of fish.

And the smell remains to this day.

2

Sex with human, ok. Sex with cow, not ok. Grabbing cow titty, ok. Grabbing Karen in accounting’s titty, not ok. Apparently.