Hottest Jokes

8

Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times

8

I bought my wife a diamond ring and she promised anal sex in return.

“This wasn’t quite what I had in mind,” I said, as she introduced me to Paul, her hairdresser.

6

A crippled man who was paralysed can walk again after cells were transplanted from his nose to his spinal column.

I’m pretty sure if they had waited till he had a cold they could have had him running.

6

Don’t ever mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.

5

After 1300 years of praying five times a day you would think that Muslims would have eventually realised that the carpets are not going to take off, and fly.

5

The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I’ll play mine.

5

What’s the main difference between intelligence and ignorance?

I don’t know and I don’t give a fcuk !

5

The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.

5

Women’s Logic: My girlfriend will give me a blow job and swallow because she thinks it’s “sexy and kinky,” but when I use her tooth brush or towel I’m a “disgusting, unhygienic bastard.”

5

What’s the difference between cocaine and ecstasy?

Fingering my anus doesn’t bring me cocaine.

5

I’ve just had a shit that was so big that it touched the water before breaking off.

That’s pretty impressive from the middle diving board.

5

Oscar Pistorious was asked what the most difficult time of his trial was..

He replied “Right at the start. when the judge said “all rise”.

4

My extremely gay friend had an 80’s themed costume party. I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.

4

Now I’m not one to blow my own trumpet……but that’ll change from next week when i finally get my bottom two ribs removed

4

A teacher asks the class to form a sentence with the word Celebrities,so little Timmy says,

“Celebrities get treated better.”

“That sentence is way too short,Timmy.” says the teacher.

“I know,” says Timmy, “Judge Masipa is useless.”

Latest Jokes

5

Oscar Pistorious was asked what the most difficult time of his trial was..

He replied “Right at the start. when the judge said “all rise”.

5

I’ve just had a shit that was so big that it touched the water before breaking off.

That’s pretty impressive from the middle diving board.

5

What’s the difference between cocaine and ecstasy?

Fingering my anus doesn’t bring me cocaine.

5

Women’s Logic: My girlfriend will give me a blow job and swallow because she thinks it’s “sexy and kinky,” but when I use her tooth brush or towel I’m a “disgusting, unhygienic bastard.”

4

A teacher asks the class to form a sentence with the word Celebrities,so little Timmy says,

“Celebrities get treated better.”

“That sentence is way too short,Timmy.” says the teacher.

“I know,” says Timmy, “Judge Masipa is useless.”

5

The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.

5

What’s the main difference between intelligence and ignorance?

I don’t know and I don’t give a fcuk !

8

I bought my wife a diamond ring and she promised anal sex in return.

“This wasn’t quite what I had in mind,” I said, as she introduced me to Paul, her hairdresser.

6

Don’t ever mix Viagra with Iron Supplements. It will cause you to spin around and point north.

8

Married sext: I’m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times

5

The lottery gives you a 1 in 20 billion chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5. You play your game and I’ll play mine.

4

Now I’m not one to blow my own trumpet……but that’ll change from next week when i finally get my bottom two ribs removed

4

My extremely gay friend had an 80’s themed costume party. I came dressed up as AIDS. Nobody really knew what I was at the start of the party, but by the end, everybody got it.

6

A crippled man who was paralysed can walk again after cells were transplanted from his nose to his spinal column.

I’m pretty sure if they had waited till he had a cold they could have had him running.

5

After 1300 years of praying five times a day you would think that Muslims would have eventually realised that the carpets are not going to take off, and fly.

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